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[30 Dec 2005|03:55pm] |
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he made me believe that he cared for me more than he must of.
moving on so easily really proves he cared.
nothing great lasts.
i was a fool for believing we would.
everything i love, i lose. i don't want to lose anymore.
This is my last entry.
goodbye.
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[11 Dec 2005|03:12pm] |
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mood |
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 sad |
] |
FUCK.
i try so hard but i can't get his words out of my head.
i wish i didn't care so much,
but i do and now i'm heart broken.
i don't know why i'm updating, no one reads this anyway.
and even if someone does read it, they don't really care.
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[27 Nov 2005|06:17pm] |
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mood |
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 thoughtful |
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I want to feel safe. I want to not worry. I want to achieve something incredible. I want to feel like I make a difference. I want to be liked. I want to fit in. I want to be easy to talk to. I want to not be complicated. I want to be mature. I want to know how to handle situations. I want to know the right thing to say. I want to be educated. I want to be creative. I want to be beautiful. I want people to remember me. I want people to envy me. I want to not worry about things. I want to be carefree. I want to be completely honest. I want to be successful. I want to be original. I want to be older. I want to be good with words. I want to be interesting. I want to know as much as I possibly can. I want to travel all over the place. I want to live somewhere other than the place I live now. I want fascinating stories to pass on to my children. I want to be confident. I want to be comfortable around people and not awkward. I want to feel pretty. I want to be remembered. I want to make some difference in the world. I want to not turn out like my mother, I am so similar to her sometimes. I want to go to my real home. I want to be passionate about atleast one thing. I want to know what I do and do not believe in. I want to be sure of myself. I want to be sure of anything at all. I want to stop saying "I don't know" when I really do know. I want people to care about what I have to say. I want to be an amazing girlfriend, lover, wife, and mother someday. I want to make my opinions known and not be so shy. I want to save someone's life somehow. I want to feel like I made a difference in someone's life. I want to be where my heart is.
I wish I just wanted to be myself, and be happy with that person.
My vacation was pretty much amazing, except for some minor things.
Now back to reality.
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[06 Nov 2005|11:20pm] |
When I hung up the phone with you, I could not stop smiling.
Although some really terrible things in my life have happened, some amazing things have also. I have to say, I am extremely happy right now, and I really do not know why.
Less than TWO WEEKS!!!!!!! I am sooo excited!
Gaelyn- I am driving all on Saturday, we changed it back. I am going to see if my mom will take me to Lakeland on Sunday and just drive me to your house. :-)
The wait is worthwhile when I have such wonderful people to wait for.
All my love, Abby.
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[17 Oct 2005|08:18pm] |
what the fuck, seriously.
i don't know how to deal with this anymore.
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| update on my... life |
[10 Oct 2005|08:46pm] |
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i don't update that much anymore, but a lot has happened since the last time i did. even though i know only a couple of people read this anymore, i still read everyone on my friends page posts.
i am constantly thinking about people back home, lakeland is still my home, it always will be no matter what. speaking of lakeland, we were talking about when we are coming down in november, and im not sure of the exact date, but i know it will be the weekend before thanksgiving for sure. i am really excited, i miss everyone so much.
ok, so anyway. school is a lot better, i have straight a's for the first time since third grade, my classes are soo easy, they will probably get harder next semester though. there is this one girl named kelly that is the closest thing to people back in lakeland. but no one could replace those people, and no one will ever be as fun to hang out with. i am a completely different person at school then i am at home. when i am at school, i am always happy and upbeat and everything. i dont know i guess being at school distracts me from my problems.
things have gotten for the most part, actually for almost all the part, worse since moving to tennessee. the main thing is- my parents are splitting up. and they have left the decision up to us who we are going to live with. and man, that is such a hard decision. i thought about it a lot when they first told us, but now its kinda not hitting me that its really going to happen.
oh, also, i moved into a permanent house.
well, i have nothing more to say, other than i miss everyone really much and i cant wait until november, you guys better plan something good for when im there. i will leave you with some ( pictures )
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| this entry is dedicated to a certain boy... |
[21 Sep 2005|03:56pm] |
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mood |
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 tired |
] |
today is aaron's birthday so i'm gonna say...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
AARON DANIEL CAVE!!!!
i can't believe tthat nigga gon be sixteen.
i love that kid.
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[11 Sep 2005|01:31pm] |
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I LOVE MY SISTERS!!!!
my sisters are amazing, they are all i have up here. i really need someone to hug.
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[01 Sep 2005|02:50pm] |
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mood |
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 giddy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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copeland |
] |
things are getting better at school, there are people that say hi to me in the hallways, and i talk to atleast one person in every class. i have improved. i might actually hang out with a girl names kasey this weekend. the only thing that makes me sick is all the couples holding hands and kissing each other goodbye, everytime i see that i think of aaron and how much i long to see him and touch him. plus i'm not finding anyone that is as cool as my friends back in lakeland.
in years to come, will i look back on these things i have made and smile at young love? or maybe i will wonder what ever happened to the two of us? by chance will i still be in touch with you? perhaps we will still be in love...
these things i dont know, but i do know that right now i love you, and the feelings i have for you will never fade.
( ...time take us forward. Relief from this longing, they can land that plane on my heart I don't care just give me November... )
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| i've been posting way too much lately. |
[25 Aug 2005|04:14pm] |
1) Reply with your name and I'll respond with something random about you.
2) I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3) I'll pick a place where I think you and I would be if I had it my way.
4) I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5) I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6) I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7) I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8) If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. You MUST. It is written
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[24 Aug 2005|06:12pm] |
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look at me go. jump jump jump
rock star.
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[21 Aug 2005|10:48pm] |
DO IT NIGS!!
1. Who are you and what's our relationship?:
2. How and where did we meet?:
3. How long have you known me?:
4. Tell me one good thing about myself:
5. My age:
6. My favorite band at the moment:
7. What's one of my favorite things to do?:
8. Do you remember one of the 1st things I said to you?:
9. Describe me in 3 words:
10. Name 5 things I love:
11. How would you describe me to someone?:
12. Tell me one thing you've always wanted to say, but never did:
13: What do you like the most about me?:
14: If we could spend a day together, what would we do?:
15: Have we ever gotten in a fight?:
16: Do you think we will be friends for at least 3 or 4 more years?:
17. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it:
18. What do you think my weakness is?:
19. What makes me happy?:
20. What makes me sad?:
21. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger, weaker, or staying the same?:
22. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?:
23. Are you going to put this on your blog and see what I say about you?:
24. Do I cross your mind at least 1 time a day?
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[20 Aug 2005|08:47pm] |
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mood |
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 happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Yeah Yeah Yeahs |
] |
I'm coming to Lakeland for like a day and a half in November.
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[13 Aug 2005|03:48pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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music |
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the microphones |
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she's the only one who can piss me off this much.
and i'm so sick of her shit, like always.
she's the only person that can make me feel this low.
like life isn't bad enough already.
i miss my old life, back when i actually had one.
it was good- i had friends and i was truly happy and everything was just fine.
but it's all gone to shit.
i just want to go back to the way things were.
i'm done with school.
i'm done with tennessee.
i'm done and there's nothing i can do about it.
i want to go back to the good times, because i have nothing up here.
and i haven't felt this bad in a long time.
i have no one to go to, i'm all alone.
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[27 Jul 2005|02:35pm] |
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mood |
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 indescribable |
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:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
thats all i have to say.
but then again, DANGIT. why do i have to like him so much and be moving so far away.
i love how time hates me.
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[22 Jul 2005|12:09pm] |
my mind is racing with insecurities,
and i don't know what i should think.
am i wasting my time?
i don't think you have the same feelings for me, that i have for you,
because i can't stop thinking of you.
i miss so many people right now.
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